Post-carta de la mujer al hombre de su vida.

I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been. -V. W.

Translation:

Siento que voy a enloquecer de nuevo. Creo que no podemos pasar otra vez por una de esas épocas terribles. Y no puedo recuperarme esta vez. Comienzo a oír voces, y no puedo concentrarme. Así que hago lo que me parece lo mejor que puedo hacer. Tú me has dado la máxima felicidad posible. Has sido en todos los sentidos todo lo que cualquiera podría ser. Creo que dos personas no pueden ser más felices hasta que vino esta terrible enfermedad. No puedo luchar más. Sé que estoy arruinando tu vida, que sin mí tú podrás trabajar. Lo harás, lo sé. Ya ves que no puedo ni siquiera escribir esto adecuadamente. No puedo leer. Lo que quiero decir es que debo toda la felicidad de mi vida a ti. Has sido totalmente paciente conmigo e increíblemente bueno. Quiero decirlo —todo el mundo lo sabe. Si alguien podía haberme salvado habrías sido tú. Todo lo he perdido excepto la certeza de tu bondad. No puedo seguir arruinando tu vida durante más tiempo. No creo que dos personas pudieran ser más felices que lo que hemos sido tú y yo. V.

Carta a un hombre con nombre de mujer

Querido Mariano,

Por eso es que sigo así, aquí, contigo. No me la paso mejor en ningún otro lado y con nadie más. Aunque nunca me hubieses amado.

Un beso.

For No One

The day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all her words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you

She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn’t feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind her tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

You want her, you need her
And yet you don’t believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he’s gone
She doesn’t need him

Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head
You won’t forget her

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind her tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

Important Note: My love is NOT Dead, I’m just frightened.

This is how my defense mechanism works, my invisible readers.

New OS

I’m feeling all right. I’m feeling calm. I’m not quite there yet, though, i have unfinished business everywhere.

I’m anxious sometimes, i’m taciturn some other times. I’m thinking i would like to play a protagonic on a fairy tale. I’m a Drama Queen, i won’t deny it, i make drama to try to find happiness. I like criticizable things and that’s ok. i’ve been hang of this series, lately, this is a beautiful sequence, besides is Gorgeous Paris [I miss Paris to death]. And by the way, the background music, is my new personal soundtrack, is the music that plays along with my walk in the street.

Blair: Just because you’re dressed poorly doesn’t mean you’re not Chuck Bass.
Chuck: Why would I want to be him?
Blair: You should have told me you got shot.
Chuck: I’m surprised you didn’t shoot me yourself.
Blair: I have. Many times. In my dreams. The good ones….but If you’re really hurt I would want to know

Chuck: when I woke up my ID was gone. Nobody knew who I was, nobody was coming to look for me. I realized I might be alive but Chuck Bass didn’t have to be.
Blair: Changing your name doesn’t change who you are.
Chuck: It’s a good start. A chance to live simply, earn people’s respect. Maybe become a person someone could love.
Blair: Someone did love you. And… you owe it to her and everyone else you’re leaving behind not to run away. Which is what you’re doing. And I don’t think that great man you’re talking about wanting to be is a coward. I think he would face up to what he did.
Chuck: I destroyed the only thing I ever loved.

Blair: I don’t love you anymore. But it takes more than even you to destroy a Blair Waldorf.
Chuck: Your world would be easier if I didn’t come back.
Blair: That’s true. But it wouldn’t be my world without you in it.

I need serious Drama, my invisible readers, to play games, find clues, make stratagems.

El Letargo + El Miniblog

Es igual a que ya no escribo aquí.

La combinación de aquellos dos elementos me hacen empezar escritos largos en mi mente y termino sintetizándolos en frasesitas de 140 caracteres, eso ya no sé si es bueno o malo, pero sí, extraño exprimir las palabras y echar paja en los blogs de antaño. Además el verano me aletarga, me hace dormir de más, y es que bueno, odio el sol y los días amarillos y en verano todos los días parecen domingo. Diablos, espero con ansias que sea septiembre para no sé que, de verdad para no sé qué. Estoy lejos de casa, extraño mis lluvias citadinas (abro parentesis para decir que acá no ha habido ni una pinchi gotita de agua del cielo) y ya estoy harta de traducir small talk y tonterias corteses que se dice la gente que se acaba de conocer “nice to meet you” and all that stuff. Extraño los días de vacacionar cuando eramos sólo 5 en el camino. Extraño a mi familia cuando eramos nuestra propia otredad y eramos nosotros contra el mundo, no me gusta conocer gente de 5 minutos, estas son las razones por las que a veces me pienso misántropa, que en realidad, siendo honestos no lo soy, pero como me gustaría serlo. Extraño mi cama, y sobre todo extraño sus brazos. Sus besitos de amor. Pero este no iba a ser un post cursi. Solo digo que el aletargamiento me ha alejado de mi blog querido, y ja, sí quería presumirles el día que se me terminó la vacación, probablemente el día más divertido de este viaje (y fue el segundo de quince).

Here:

Irony

The same minute,

as i was learning a far far friend had a baby, i was learning as well that another not that close friend had died.

I didn’t know what to feel, Life and Death have a twisted sense of humor called irony. Neither of those news made me feel happy, but i had a lot of mixed feelings.

Cheers for the new human being, born only 2 weeks ago

and may She rest in peace.

…

My dear invisible readers

¡Me enamoré otra vez!

Y sólo esto puedo decir:

YA LA Ví!

Y me encanto.

Mis impresiones en otro post, queridos lectores invisibles…

I’m not Tired

I’m NOT

+

I just miss calm days…

PhD: I’ve felt this.

I will finish and publish my thesis someday, and i will feel big and small altogether. My PhD in fine arts, here i go

Tercera Parte

III.

“I fucking hate sundays”

So, there was this little baby dog. I found him on the door way at 2 o’clock in the morning when i opened the door to receive someone else. I saw him, he was sleeping there on the door’s red carpet, and then i shut the door itself.

On the tuesday morning i remembered the whole last week, it had been full with signals i did not care to see, i didn’t pay attention, ’cause we wasn’t paranoiac about fatality since 1994, it was so unexpected now, but it was always there. I though this year would be different, i thought it was going to be good, turned out it wasn’t going to be that way.

…

Sunday at noon,
i just closed my eyes full of tears,
i wanted to explote,
trade places,
let it be me.
He couldn’t, but he did.

I denied myself to believed it

…

Monday afternoon, it was all gone, he took our hearts and lets us just these rotten bodies. He just had to check out.

…

So, here we had this little baby dog who appeared to the door one Monday afternoon. Who had a rotten face, i dare to say he was dead for a few days. I called him Omar, because of and old funny anecdote, he just stared at us while we used alcohol and white dust to try to clean him up. He didn’t said a word, not one. He just listened and stared trying to find out if everyone was fine, alive, so he would rest in peace, once and for all, he just had to make sure. And then it was us who, on a tuesday night, who made him take the cab for the second time.

He left when he was needed the most.

Twice.

…

…

..

.

“I feel like everything’s rotten. I… I’m just broken hearted”

Prize for Paraphernalia

This is the BEST Nuclear Explosion EVER! You definitely must see this.

I will learn it and recreated for money, i bet it will paid off!

Misty mud my mud

When i came to think about my future it went always blur, very uncertain, even now, i know what i want and i want to grow old  and up and i now how i want to be, but it gets all fussy and misty, i really don’t know whether to trust my self or let destiny and universe take charge and made as it is meant to be and just accept consequences of my leaky lazy weak mind. I know i could be strong and start to mind my own business and take responsibility for myself and my own acts, but it feels so safe in this cocoon and they don’t want me to jump out to life just yet (if we keep this game they will have to throw me away, but i don’t want to let it come to this point, that would be just lazy, more than lazy: inept and hopeless) i better jump out now, even if they get mad and they think i’m not old enough to keep myself, that’s why, i think i had this crazy plan when i was younger to kill them off, so i could do whatever i want without having this moral basis to respect, i could do anything i wanted and they would be resting in peace without knowing anything, i just don’t wanted (and still want) them to be worried about me, but talking about murder that’s just apocaliptical, really extreme.

I must jump, and i will do it now. I will love my misty blurry mud, and i will fight…

…and that’s just kinda geeky sexy

(to fight in a metaphorical mud against metaphysical odds)

So… Happy New Year!

2010

sounds good

feels right!

So may you too invisible readers have a good year, as i plan to. This shall be a break through in my life.

I didn’t got the chance to burn the old bad things in the new year’s eve, but i don’t care, this ritual shall be done now, no matter if the new moon wasn’t witness, it will be seeing burn anyway, i can’t spend another year with this burden down my back.

And so it begins… THE BRAND NEW YEAR, Dear Invisible Readers!